Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
