Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
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