I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
