If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
