he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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