what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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