Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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