If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I need a beard to bite.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
