Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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