Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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