guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
