yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
