You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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