hotel room ftw
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
