I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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