Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
