YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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