I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
