someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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