You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
there is glitter all over my balls
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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