smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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