It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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