I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
