Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
