last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
