If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
