You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
