Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
