If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I intend to get homeless drunk
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
