FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
