Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
