Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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