I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
