Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
