Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
My ATM looks so different sober.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
