i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize