you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize