I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
