Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
