I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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