I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
