walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
