Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
