she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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