dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
