She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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