Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
