she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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