you guys were way drunker than both of me
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
