the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
