It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize