I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
