Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
