my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
