It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
