She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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