Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
