the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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