I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize