One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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