Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
