11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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