Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think i peed on brittanys purse
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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