Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
