I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
