why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
