AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
