i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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