if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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