hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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