Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Randomize
