You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
