2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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